The Final Activities in This World of the Lord of Mahasiddas,
the Regent of Guru Padma, our beloved master Orgyen Kusum Lingpa

as witnessed by Sherab Dorje
Homage to the unceasing play and boundless range of activity of the manifest vajra kaya Guru Pema Tumdrag
Homage to the jewels of speech that overflowed from his vajra tongue, spilling forth from the domain of perfect experience of terton Orgyen Kusum Lingpa
Homage to the most profound love, compassion and kindness that touched and benefited all, the unfathomable vajra mind of our most precious Lama Sang
May his activity spread to all realms and benefit all beings without exception, and may he swiftly return to guide us through this treacherous course on which we are left bereft.

(This is a personal account of the final month in the life of our teacher, offered to Lama Sang’s students as a gift from Sherab Dorje, who had the good fortune to spend this time attending his Guru. Anyone who cares to translate it into another language is welcome to do so. I apologize that it is limited to what I observed, saw, heard and felt, and therefore can only be a very small part of the true picture of the culmination of our teacher’s enlightened activity in this lifetime. In no way do I wish to lend the impression that my own role or observations have any special significance. Rather, my wish is that by sharing what I experienced, others may be inspired and comforted.)
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When I returned from Nepal in mid-December 2008, I made the commitment to spend six weeks in strict retreat at Blazing Wisdom Institute, and I so informed Lama Sang in Golog when we spoke by phone. About ten days before the end of my retreat, I received a phone call from Lama Sang in which he said that soon we would travel to different places together, and that I should accompany him back to Golog. I mistakenly assumed that he meant we would travel around the U.S. together, and promised to try to come to Golog as well.
Just two days later, during a session of guru yoga practice, I had a powerful sense of the pervasive presence of the Guru, and spontaneously there arose in my mind very vivid images and recollections of many precious times that we spent together. I felt inconsolably sad and wept for a long time. Shortly thereafter I received the news that Lama Sang had taken ill and was being rushed from the monastery to Xining, and from there to a hospital in Beijing. After further prayer and reflection, I decided it would be highly inauspicious for me to break my retreat to go see Lama Sang right away, and resolved to finish my retreat and then leave immediately.
Thus, on February 4, Ivy Loo and I took a direct flight to Beijing and arrived to see Lama Sang in the hospital the next morning (which was February 6, after the time difference). He sat up to greet us with an enormous loving smile filling the room, and cupped our cheeks in turn with his hand. I went and sat on the empty bed next to his in the hospital room, and twice more he called me over, “Sherab Dorje, Sherab Dorje,” and each time I rushed over to hold and kiss his hand and tell him that all of the students in America were thinking of him, loved him and prayed for him and to him. He was clearly very physically weak, however.
Later that afternoon, as I sat and prayed on the neighboring bed, while three attendant monks (Chozang, Phuntsog and Chimed) were attending his bedside, Lama Sang suddenly said distinctly in English several times, “Day after tomorrow, sick, sick.” I went over and asked him, do you mean tomorrow? He said sternly, “No, day after tomorrow.” I said, Lama Sang sick? He said “Yes.” Then he started teaching the monks what ‘today', 'tomorrow' and 'day after tomorrow’ mean in English.
After spending the day with Lama Sang, we returned the next morning to find him even weaker. That afternoon (Saturday), he woke up from a long rest and sat up to take some Ensure we had brought from the U.S. He told all of us that he had had a most wonderful dream in which he met many of his deceased family members, including his mother and others, and with them and countless other beings drawn from the lower realms, was absorbed into the heart of Amitabha. After that he went back to sleep.
By the next morning (which was the “day after tomorrow”) Lama Sang lapsed into a light coma. I use that term advisedly for lack of a better one. This was the third or fourth time since 2007 that Lama Sang had gone away from our world for some period of days before returning. But he left a slender golden thread of his wisdom awareness connecting him to this realm at all times. That is not something an ordinary person in a coma can do. So if something or someone in the environment was disturbing or he needed attention he could swing his arm or shout out “Oh Ya!” to get people’s attention.
Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche and Dorje Trengpo decided that it would be best to bring Lama Sang back home to their apartment in Beijing, where we could provide him whatever level of care he needed, but he could also have more privacy for whatever he needed to do. We established a 24 hour rotating schedule of attendants, in 3 hour shifts and working in pairs, each attendant serving twice a day. While Lama Sang remained in this state, the attendants, in addition to making sure he was comfortable in every possible way, would chant the Bendzra Guru mantra aloud to Lama Sang, using various melodies. Occasionally we could hear him utter a few syllables along with us, like “Om Ah Hung…”
On Tuesday evening, the third day of our vigil, I was chanting the Bendzra Guru mantra at the left of Lama Sang’s bedside for several hours, with great faith and devotion and yearning. As I chanted, I purposefully thought of every single one of Lama Sang’s students in America whom I could recall ever having met, even those I remember only by face, and made a specific point of offering prayers on each person’s behalf at Lama Sang’s side, and requesting his blessings for each.
Lama Sang’s son in law Gurgon was also there, chanting with me. Suddenly Lama Sang (who was resting on his side facing me), opened his eyes fully with a clear and penetrating gaze that startled me. But for several minutes, as he maintained that gaze, Lama Sang was looking off into some other space. Finally, he seemed to shift his attention and focus back to this place and time, and he saw me. I said “Hello Lama Sang, thank you for coming back,” and burst into tears. I asked Gurgon to summon Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche, who came in and spoke with Lama Sang. Gurgon lay his head on Lama Sang’s side and wept. Lama Sang could respond again to what we said, and even gave blessings to a few people, including Ama Dugdron (Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche and Dorje Trengpo’s mother).
In the meantime, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche had called Dodrupchen Rinpoche in India, who advised us to return with Lama Sang to the monastery in Golog as soon as possible. Dorje Trengpo recalled that many times Lama Sang had told him that he wished to spend his final days beside the Cha Rung Ka Shor stupa in Golog. The doctors had advised that no additional medical treatments were available, and so there was no reason to linger in Beijing in any case.
By this time about 20 more lamas and family members had arrived in Beijing from the monastery, some traveling all night and just arriving in time to leave again. After much discussion, it was decided that the only practical way to get Lama Sang and the rest of us back was to take the 21 hour train ride to Xining (on the train that goes all the way to Lhasa). Lama Sang could rest comfortably in a first class compartment and we could continue to attend him in relative privacy during the journey. The rest of us were scattered throughout the train, which departed Wednesday night.
Early Thursday evening we arrived in Xining and were met by an ambulance crew who tenderly and carefully hurried Lama Sang to the family home in the city. Remarkably, Lama Sang appeared to suffer no ill effect from this arduous journey, which he had now made twice in the course of two weeks while in very weak condition.
Back at the house we continued our rotation of care all day and all night, and also began to perform group prayers upstairs. Every day more and more friends, relatives, Lamas and devotees arrived from all over, even though we were keeping our plans and schedule very quiet to protect Lama Sang. Entire groups of monks and ngagpas would arrive by bus from Golog each day. We performed the sutra ritual of Medicine Buddha each morning and afternoon, and sat outside Lama Sang’s room in the evening reciting the Prayer to the Eight Manifestations of Guru Rinpoche and the Removing All Obstacles prayer three times each.
Throughout this time I had the remarkable good fortune to sit and practice at Lama Sang’s side or at his feet for 5 to 6 hours each day, contributing whatever I could to his care and comfort. When he was more alert and present with us, he would speak a little, and sometimes just sit holding hands. Several devoted students arrived from America for brief visits at this time, including Neal Greenberg, Tho Pham, and Suco with her twin sons and daughter in law. Some students also accompanied or followed us from Beijing, like Lu Yi Phung and Shao Tong.
On Monday evening, four days after our arrival in Xining, I suddenly developed a high fever, and the next day, for the first time, did not attend Lama Sang, so as to avoid any possible chance of exposing him to a virus. By Tuesday night, Lama Sang became very wrathful, with a degree of energy and physical power that astonished his doctors, given his very low blood pressure. He yelled and struck everyone nearby, and was shouting remarkable things, such as he was going to stay at Green Tara’s house. Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche called a meeting and it was decided very quickly that Lama Sang was telling us in no uncertain terms that we had tarried in Xining long enough. It was time to go home. We would leave early the next morning. Again, no one was allowed to tell anyone anywhere about our plans, for fear that Lama Sang would be mobbed on arrival at the monastery if word leaked out.
A bed was placed in the back of an SUV, where Lama Sang was placed and joined by his attendants for the journey, including Chozang and Sozer. The SUV was part of a caravan of eight vehicles that made the journey to Golog in 11 to 12 hours. Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche later told me that Sozer, who was known to have to run to the bathroom many times a day, squatted at Lama Sang’s feet in an uncomfortable position for the entire journey, holding Lama Sang’s legs to make sure he did not shift or get jostled on the bumpy roads, without slacking off for one minute. That is an example of the kind of care the Tulkus and Lamas and family members provided Lama Sang at every moment of every day.
On arrival at the monastery, Lama Sang was brought right into his room, and the group that had been attending him in shifts for several weeks went into the compound with him. They were committed to stay there for however long became necessary, sleeping three and four to a room on simple mattresses. However, I stayed in the compound at Hung Kar Dorje’s, where I remained ill with high fever and other symptoms for several days longer. Finally on the weekend after our arrival I resumed my turn attending Lama Sang for a few hours a day. Also, we Tulkus and Lamas in his compound began practicing the Long Chen Nying Tig Ngon Dro twice a day in the shrine room separated from Lama Sang’s room only by a glass wall, so that he could listen to the practice.
Every day his condition fluctuated. More people arrived to see him, including John Crigler from the US (who actually arrived just before we left Xining), Angela Pham from Houston, a group from Wuhan and more students from Beijing. Suco’s group also followed from Xining. Of course many other concerned students called every day, and we heard news of various groups practicing and performing life ransom practices together. Garwang Nyima Rinpoche from Tarthang Monastery, Lama Sang’s brother in law, came to the monastery for four days and spent a great deal of time with Lama Sang. Somehow Lama Sang roused himself to a higher energetic state for Garwang Nyima, even sitting up on his own and conversing a little. Whenever he had visitors, without regard to his own apparent physical condition, Lama Sang somehow always managed to give them something as a blessing for their efforts to come see him, whether a wave, a smile, a joke or a few words.
Ever since he reawoke in Beijing, other than the day he was very wrathful in Xining, Lama Sang always remained calm and alert, performing sky gazing practices or whispering mantras no matter what was happening to him physically. The profundity of his realization in this way manifested for all to see in a way that could be missed by the inobservant when Lama Sang was extremely active (as he always was throughout his life!). When people would come and offer pure prayers for his well being, he would receive them gratefully so as to support their practice of virtue. But when others came and pleaded with him to remain with us for a long time still, out of strong emotion, he would turn his head and look the other way.
On Tuesday February 24, Lama Sang bled all day from different orifices, though his demeanor was unchanged. That evening, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche and I spoke privately late into the evening about all that Lama Sang had endured, and his condition. Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche spoke candidly about his worry that this particular disease of the liver, according to the doctors, could interfere with brain function and therefore hamper Lama Sang at a time when he needed his awareness to be strong. We agreed that neither of us could remotely manage to maintain the type of stability Lama Sang demonstrated in the face of this terrible condition. I shared with Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche my view and faith that, when the time came, and the fetters of the physical body were no longer an issue, Lama Sang would in no way be hampered from releasing his mind into dharmakaya and manifesting action in this and other realms to help others. I truly had complete confidence that this was the case, and my conviction also seemed to bolster Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche’s spirits.
That very same night, after being sick with a bad cold for several days and staying away from Lama Sang, Dorje Trengpo had a dream in which he was with Lama Sang and other family members back in Xining, and Lama Sang told him that the "day after tomorrow" (the 26th) he would not have any symptoms of illness any longer. This sounded wonderful, except everyone around him in the dream began crying. When he awoke on the 25th, even though still a little sick, Dorje Trengpo decided to spend the entire day with Lama Sang no matter what, and did so.
In this same time period, several other people called and described to me having experiences of Lama Sang's presence in their practice accompanied by strong memories of being with him, and bursting into tears, or of dreaming of meeting him and being told by Lama Sang that he was ready to leave. I have heard that in fact many more people had similar experiences.
By Wednesday, Lama Sang had gone back into a very subdued state, where the gulf between our thoughts and actions and his mind grew too wide for us really to know what he was experiencing. He barely communicated verbally or responded physically at all, no matter what was happening. At the same time, his complexion and skin tone looked more and more beautiful and healthy, as if he were actually getting better.
On Thursday, February 26, I arrived in the compound as usual at around 8:30 in the morning to spend some time with Lama Sang before joining the prayer group in the shrine room. As I reached his door, Lama Sang’s longtime attendant Karma Dorje met me and asked me to wait for a few minutes in the shrine room next door. From there I looked through the glass and saw, a few feet away, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche standing at Lama Sang’s side, holding his hand, with a very powerful and concentrated air about him. Dorje Trengpo was also in the room. I learned later that Lama Sang’s breathing had become more ragged during the night and that Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche had been summoned between 4 and 5 am, and he had called Dorje Trengpo to join him around 7 am.
I sat down alone in the shrine room to practice the Orgyen Vajra Dhara guru yoga. Just before 9:00 am, I heard the peacocks and cranes in the compound cry out in very loud voices. Right then, Karma Dorje rushed out of Lama Sang’s room and returned a moment later carrying Lama Sang’s white silk zen, embroidered in red, and his varja master hat. I looked through the glass as, a few feet away, with Lama Sang’s pure physical form resting in the paranirvana posture on his right side, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche draped the zen slowly and tenderly over Lama Sang’s body, covering his head as well, and placed the hat on the table behind his head. My whole body felt like it had turned to ice water. The other Tulkus began to group outside Lama Sang’s room, and instantly everyone just seemed to know what had happened. No one could speak and we were enveloped in a preternatural quiet.
Dorje Trengpo later told me that for the last half hour before his final breath, Lama Sang held his gaze steadily upon a tangka of Longchenpa, and placed his right hand under his head with fingers extended in a particular pattern prescribed in the Dzog Chen manual Tri Yeshe Lama. He drew in a final breath that was very extended and much stronger than he had been breathing earlier, all the while vocalizing the 'AH' syllable quite audibly. He never exhaled again.
Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche emerged from the room and we held an impromptu meeting outside. We all understood that Lama Sang had arrived at the precise moment that is the culmination of an entire life’s journey for a true practitioner – the tug dam, or binding of the subtle wisdom mind in the central channel at the heart center in meditation upon dharmakaya essence. The most important point immediately became to make sure that Lama Sang would not be disturbed at any level, physical or psychic. From that point onward, no one who was not already within the mandala of Lama Sang’s final act in this life would be permitted to enter the compound, or even to know what had happened, until his meditation had reached its perfection and release. We would continue to support Lama Sang through our group and individual guru yoga and other practices, including a group ngon dro recitation in the yogi temple each day. Lama Sang’s outer door was to remain locked, so we no longer practiced in his shrine room.
After our initial meeting, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche immediately went to call HH Dodrupchen Rinpoche, who gave a very firm and specific instruction that absolutely no one who did not already know should be told about Lama Sang’s final meditation for at least seven days. Around an hour after Lama Sang’s final breath, his son in law Chonyid Jamtso, who was part of our group, was able to snap a series of photos of circles and arcs of rainbows that appeared above Lama Sang’s room and around the sun, remaining for several minutes, fading, and then returning again, for an entire half hour. I saw these photos early the next day, and many times thereafter.
Since I had no bed in the compound, I had no choice but to leave that evening to return to my room at Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche’s compound. Though I ate dinner with others and seemed to talk to them, in fact my mind was never separated from Lama Sang’s for an instant, such that I felt like an invisible vajra barrier separated me from everyone and everything around me, and all that was real was happening only within his compound, his room, and his mind. After that I decided to limit my contacts outside of the mandala of his final meditation as much as possible. Each day I returned early to the compound and joined the others for meals, prayers and other tasks. For example, Tulku Tsangyang, Tulku Repa, Labrang Tulku, Tulku Tsulten, Tulku Thubten and I spent many hours cutting up articles of Lama Sang’s clothing into small squares that would be offered as blessings to each person who would come later to his Gong Dzog ceremony (the customary 49 days of prayers). The reader may well understand what it was like for us to perform a task like that, with the scent of Lama Sang still on his clothes, and with so many memories of him dancing, laughing, praying and scolding us in them.
The gong dzog, however, does not begin until death is complete. As Lama Sang remained in meditation for many days, we could honestly tell people that he was not gone yet. The second morning after, or February 28, I asked Tulku Tsangyang privately about the inspection he had performed on Lama Sang the previous night. He told me that Lama Sang looked relaxed and peaceful, as if he were sleeping soundly, and there was still warmth detectable at his heart and under his arms, while his flesh remained soft and supple. That night Tulku Repa also had a remarkable dream about meeting Lama Sang and being advised by the dakinis surrounding him that his work in higher realms was not yet done and he would remain in meditation for some time yet. I asked Repa later to repeat some of the details I had missed, but he is exceptionally modest and dismissed his dream out of hand.
On March 2, as day five of Lama Sang’s tug dam meditation began, Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche came down to the compound to check on him. Karma Dorje unlocked the door and Rinpoche and Tulku Tsangyang tiptoed in. Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche’s face, as he entered, seemed to show some of the strain and tension of his enormous responsibilities. I stood outside the room with Karma Dorje and waited fifteen minutes until they re-emerged. A profound state of peace seemed to emanate right out of the open door, and the whole world around us, blanketed in snow, seemed silent and still. (It had snowed for 3 days straight, more snow than anyone could recall seeing in the area in many, many years).
When Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche came outside, his face was smiling and relaxed, happy. “Lama Sang is still doing very well,” he told me, “his body is very soft and he looks like he is enjoying a good sleep. Look, I’ll show you!” He took out his Iphone and showed me the picture he had just taken of Lama Sang’s face. Indeed, Lama Sang’s face had never looked more peaceful and soft and beautiful. Everyone crowded in to look at the photo, and we shared a great and quiet joy.
On March 4 at 9:30 am, which marked the beginning of the seventh day of tugdam, when Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche and Tulku Tsangyang again visited Lama Sang, they invited me in to his room as well. I thus had the honor of being the only other person until that time to personally witness Lama Sang's state of meditation. I had not been at his bedside for a week, but nothing had changed. I apologize that I cannot describe what this experience was like for me personally. On the level of factual observation, I note that the air in the room was cool and clear, the bottle of saffron water we had used before to clean our hands before touching Lama Sang was cold but not at all near freezing. Hung Kar Dorje wiggled Lama Sang's right earlobe with his finger to show how supple it was. His face looked drawn, from the last stages of his illness, but otherwise completely placid, as if napping. His nostrils were open and relaxed, as if at any time he might draw another breath. His skin tone and color everywhere were completely unchanged from the week before, and no different from Tulku Tsangyang's, who placed his arm aside Lama Sang's. After a few minutes, I touched my forehead to the bed and left Lama Sang to his meditation.
Today, March 5, Dorje Trengpo also went to meet the 'ku dung' of his father, and told me that he was still in exactly the same condition. Hung Kar Dorje Rinpoche called Dodrupchen Rinpoche to inform him about Lama Sang's tug dam and to advise him that tomorrow, which is the tenth day of the first Tibetan month, Garwang Nyima Rinpoche and a few others will spend the morning in prayers at Lama Sang's side, releasing him from his meditation. He asked His Holiness to direct his thoughts to us at that time as well.
Early tomorrow afternoon, Lama Sang will be brought in a ceremonial procession up to the main temple, where some 800 monks will have gathered for a week-long great practice ritual of Vajra Sattva according to the Mindroling treasure tradition. Over the following days, thousands of devotees will pass by Lama Sang, who will be seated at the center of a mandala in the front of the Samye temple, each one making their own vows and commitments witnessed by his physical presence, in what is known as the 'Dung Chod'. About a week from now, a ritual cremation will be performed and the bier sealed, before being re-opened after a week or so to see whether any relics or other blessed objects have been generated.
One important thing only occurred to me in retrospect about Lama Sang’s remarkable final, month-long journey from the temple in Golog to Xining and Beijing and back. While it was happening, as Lama Sang lay in weakened condition day after day, we often wondered how long this would continue and what he was doing. It was clear that on a fundamental level, within his own experience, Lama Sang was neither suffering nor grasping at this life. So what was he doing? He gave us only hints of what he was doing in other realms while largely out of contact with us. But one thing that did finally become apparent is that Lama Sang gave each and every person connected to him with faith and devotion an opportunity to say goodbye in their own way, and to make offerings of service, prayer and material goods and money to accumulate merit and purify their breaches of samaya. Every person who was completely determined to see him in person one more time was able to do so. The only exception was Jampal Drolma, but Lama Sang had foreseen this obstacle some time ago and given her alone the privilege of furnishing the funds to construct the stupa that would finally hold his physical remains, in this way fulfilling her aspirations as well. I am also confident that many others will make the journey to the monastery to attend part of the gong dzog ceremonies as well.
I swear that every word in this personal account is true, and can only apologize for its incompleteness. May it bring solace, joy and insight to all who read it with faith and devotion in His Holiness Orgyen Kusum Lingpa, the emissary of Guru Padmasambhava.